Resentment is basically poison that we feed ourselves overtime to kill ourselves emotionally, mentally, spiritually and eventually physically. We think that it is other people's fault when we are resentful towards them, we feel that they are the cause of our resentment, and we want them to change.
The deep anger, frustration, and sense of being helpless when it comes to one's relationship with another create such toxic vibes that they linger for a long time.
Every time there is interaction with the people involved, the toxicity multiplies until one day, one of the people stops by working on their internal unhappiness.
At the end of the day, no matter how resentful we are with people, it is all about us taking responsibility by working on our own internal unhappiness.
Expecting other people to change causes us even more unhappiness, because that may not ever happen. We can be angry with other people's behaviour, but we cannot use that as an excuse to remain broken. Eventually, we have to move from there and work on ourselves.
How does resentment happen? It is basically our inability to communicate effectively, about how we truly feel. We have an expectation that other people should know how we feel. This is based on an unrealistic assumption as everyone comes from their own perspective of life, with different experiences, and everyone deals with emotions differently. So this false and unrealistic assumption leads us astray.
We fear communicating because we have to be vulnerable to speak how we truly feel or think, and we want to bypass this part of our relationship with others. However, it is the very thing that we are avoiding that causes toxicity. When we are honest and vulnerable, it builds trust. And trust is what we all really want in our relationships.
So why do we fear being vulnerable? I feel you know this already. Fear of rejection is one of the biggest fears we all have, and it is also one of the most important traits to confront, overcome and master.
To put it simply, if one truly wants to grow emotionally, mentally, spiritually, one needs to develop a THICK SKIN. Be brave enough to see through one's own stuff that we try so hard on a daily basis to stuff down, hoping others don't see them.
Well, that is the thing about stuffing things down, they become the shadow energies that run our lives without even our conscious awareness.
And eventually, the shadow energies will surface in ways we cannot control anymore, such as diseases, obsessive habits/thoughts/feelings/behaviour, mind loops and so on.
Resentment while silently brewing within us holds so much power. How would you choose to use it? Increase the dis-ease in yourself, or decrease the power you give it by looking at it squarely through the shadow work you must walkthrough?
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©2022 Shamala Tan
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Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly levels.
Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.