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It is ok not to be nice

I notice this about people A LOT: people do things, say things, don't say certain things, or don't do certain things, TO BE NICE. 

While I understand that there is always a time and place to say things or do things BUT to betray self to appear nice to others and to be liked is one of the most TOXIC things to do to SELF.

It is ok not to be nice. We are not obligated in any way to be nice just because:

  • we fear being judged
  • we want others to like us
  • we want to let people think we are a certain type of personality

While many of us are naturally friendly and our auto-response is to be polite, how many of us are genuinely friendly and polite because we are not getting something back in return?

If you take time to think about your connections, friendships and relationships with people, how many of those are truly non-transactional? Hopefully the older you get, the lesser non-transactional relationships you have. Because you see through the farce and no longer want those connections. 

However, there is still the majority of people who are still struggling with low self-esteem, and self-worth issues even in their middle and old age, people who haven't worked through their childhood/teenage issues because they think these issues will disappear with age. They don't. Unless you work through them. 

By the way, you do not have to start culling your connections only when you reach middle age. You can start anytime, and the minute you realise you have been in cyclical transactional friendships with people it is time to let the connections die. 

I've done a lot of culling in the past few years, starting from the obvious transactional connections where people only want my company because they want to: pick my professional brain, want free coaching, want free advice. And then moving on to those one-sided friendships, where if you're not the one to keep in touch the friendship dies because it is not two-way traffic. 

Valuable friendships where people accept you as you are, don't judge even your biggest follies in life, people who can laugh with you, and people who don't take life so seriously are what we all need. 

Just remember, the biggest betrayal is the betrayal of self, just to appear nice. 



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