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When We Attack Others, We Are Showing Our Inadequacies

Ever encountered people whose personality is all about attacking others and being aggressive, even to their loved ones? And it seemed as if all they want to do is to win or be one-up against you, it is a constant imagery competition for their lower ego. 
 
Or the friend who constantly feels a need to point out your mistakes without you asking them to be your accountability partner. Or worse still, to have the permission of an accountability partner to point out to them their weaknesses and when you do so, they attack you back!
 
This inevitably means, all you want to do is to avoid them or be tempted to attack back, or simply don’t want to have anything to do with them.
 
A friend of mine recently shared that he doesn’t like to have shouting matches with his loved ones, to him, what is key is to be able to sit down and discuss the issue at hand and settle them like mature people. I couldn’t agree more, and I’m sure many of you agree too. 
 
The thing we also need to understand is that when people attack, they are truly coming from a place of inadequacy. They feel small, they feel unloved, they feel the lack of confidence. So they need to attack others to feel better about themselves, to feel superior and to gain back a sense of control. But of course, all of these are happening within their own conscious and unconscious minds. 
 
How one feels — confident or not, superior or not, having control or not, loved or not, is just a mind game with self.  
 
By trying to put someone else down to feel confident about themselves, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have succeeded. Because if the person they are attacking is one who is very confident within, it will not have an impact or cause a dent in them, and the confident one simply walks away because he/she doesn’t see a need to attack back. 
 
Heard of this: "Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud”? This quote says it all. 
 
Now, let’s play a little game this week:
 
Whenever you catch yourself wanting to attack someone, hold it in and ask yourself what is it that you’re trying to achieve. 
 
Most of the time the lower ego will come up with this excuse: “ Oh this person is not aware, I need to let them know they are wrong". Or "I want to teach this person a lesson or else they will not know". Do note that these are excuses by the lower ego to make you think you have a duty to attack. 
 
You need to dig deeper on what exactly you are trying to achieve by attacking the person. 
 
Every time you are able to stop yourself from attacking, you get 10 points. And every time you didn’t catch yourself in time, and you attack (no matter how big or small), you minus 10 points. 
 
Now, the second part of this game requires you to remain silent in confidence when you’re attacked by someone else. If you succeed in remaining silent even though the temptation to attack is bursting inside you, you get 10 points. But if you didn’t manage to remain silent but attack back, you minus 10 points. 
 
Let’s see how you do by the end of the week. 
 
We live in a world where no one truly teaches us these life skills and we simply go with whatever we have learned from other people in our lives, from social media, from books, from books and so on. How about making yourself accountable simply because you want to be a better person?
 
You know that when you are better internally, you will be better externally. 
 
© 2019 Shamala Tan

Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected] 

Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer.  Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.

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