Everyone suffers from this, at one time (read: teens) of their lives or another. Others struggle with this daily, and for some, never grow out of them.
It is a daily struggle where the mind tortures the personality, fills the mind with all kinds of thoughts, from how they look, how they dress, what people think of them, to one of the worst dark holes: comparison of self with others which can send the personality to spin out of control.
When it is out of control, the personality then tries to compromise and to make up for its insecurities, plays out stories in the mind to even the scores, for example, if one is insecure about one's social standing, one then plays out the story that they would never want to be as popular as (whoever they are comparing themselves with) by compromising their values. Or they play out the story that they will never be as good as the other (and accept the make-believe "fate").
These are only temporary quick reliefs for the personality who may feel a sense of freedom, and maybe even peace and happiness for the time being. The cycle of frustrations and insecurities will begin again until the personality 'wakes up'. Because the insecurities are deeply rooted within the psyche, these mind escapes will not last, because the personality has to confront the self, and the insecurities eventually.
Any of the above sounds familiar? The mind is such a powerful force. It can make you, or break you (literally). And the thing is, we often forget that our thoughts are not us, our mind does not have the final say as to what should or should not be the right thing to do or not do. As humans, we come complete with energies, thoughts and emotions, and it is a whole plethora of compromises that each aspect of ourselves operate from. While each of these aspects can operate quite independently, the most challenging is learning to find that balance between all, and knowing which to listen to for which situation and so on!
One of the most common traps that our insecurities set up for us is the flip-flopping between inferiority and superiority complexes. If you find yourself ever feeling interior in one situation, and then superior in another, you can be sure that it is your insecurity acting up big time. This is one way to know if you have worked through your insecurities and if you have true self-confidence. If you still play this inner game, do something about it, see a therapist or a coach and work things out, before it destroys you from the inside. And if this article pushes your button, you know the answer why.
As much as people say, you have to fake it till you make it. Most people who do not have anyone to coach them through this art of "faking it till you make it", will show up as trying too hard, and being awkward, whether it is through a presentation, a social interaction (face to face, social media, groups chats etc). Why? Because energies never lie. Most of us can read/sense energies, even if we cannot verbalise that we sense them, we all do feel them, and energies are the most transparent of them all, more than words and actions.
Our insecurities distort how we view the world, we can be offended by anything anyone says or does. The mind picks up on these things to play an "I am better than you" game. So it can go from: why are they always making me wrong, why am I the one who is at fault (playing the victim), to: these people are so immoral or why do they practice double standards.
Our insecurities can make us reject even the best things being presented to us, from a promotion to a huge client contract, to anything that in fact adds value to our lives, but we lack the courage to see and receive them. Everyone can make you feel welcome in any situation, but whether you want to own and accept the welcome, and feel part of it, is entirely up to you. I remember this scene in the movie Crazy Rich Asians, where Astrid's husband was so insecure that he pushed her out and it destroyed the marriage. His insecurities took over his entire perspective of who he is, who she is, and how everything is.
There are so many levels of insecurities, from financial insecurity, social insecurity, relationship insecurity and so many more. But they all stem from just one thing -- our own inner insecurity.
If we can get this right within ourselves, work through our issues productively, concretely, everything else will just fall into place.
So the question to always ask yourself whenever you feel challenged is: Is what I am seeing true? Or is it a distorted view stemmed from my own insecurities?
Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected]
Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.
One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.
Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.