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How To Lose In Order To Win

Have you ever heard of this concept of losing in order to win?

This idea of losing in order to win doesn't seem to make sense right? Well, this idea only works if you are able to be bigger than your ego. So what does that entail?

When our ego or lower ego, as I like to call it, is bigger than our true self, than it is hard to allow ourselves to lose. Because the lower ego thinks in terms of winning and losing, and the lower ego keeps scores.

If we are bigger than the lower ego, what this means is that we allow our true nature or our true essence to emerge from within us, and we push the lower ego and its agendas aside.

So a very good example of how to lose in order to win can be practised in an argument with someone. Often the lower ego wants to win and will do anything in its power to survive this fight, by arguing, by proving a point etc.

How do you then as a bigger self, "win" this? By admitting defeat and allowing the other person to believe that they have won, this way both of you win, because the ultimate goal in all of this is: peace. The bigger self doesn't believe in self-glory, only peace and unconditional love.

You might ask: how do I know if have crossed the line and I'm allowing myself to be abused?

If you're operating from your bigger self, keeping scores is not your thing, it is of little or no interest to you, whatsoever. Feeling victimised is not even in your scope of reality (but you will draw the line when it comes to physical abuse and will remove yourself from the situation) and you just let things go.

Most of the time, if the other is operating from their ego, they will continue to be blind to their own faults, thinking the fault lies with you, but you will be truly ok with it. You know it is not your job to educate them or try to enlighten them. Because the reality is people will hang on to the ego-self, refusing to let go, even if it cost them their lives, their jobs, their relationships, and so on.

In this world that we live in, people spend too much energy and time to prove that they are not wrong. It is an energy-sucking activity, and if you have a focus in your life on what you want to achieve and you know in your heart what is your purpose, then playing the lower ego game just doesn't cut it for you.

Some ways you which you just "lose" by letting the other believe they have won:

  1. Agree with them when they criticise you or insult you, and you can add humour to it and lighten the whole situation without letting your lower ego play the game
  2. Have little or no demands in your relationship with them, until they can't take the pressure and they either change their perspective/behaviour/mindset or leave
  3. With every insult or criticism they give you, you return it with loving comments (you can use this on social media especially!)

You can do all these only if you are able to stand in the grace and power of your bigger self, if not, you will find yourself being chipped from the inside out, or you are just emotionally and spiritually bypassing the pains and hurts.

What I would suggest is to start practising humility and humbleness in situations where you are clear and strong, where you will not harbour resentment, and you allow the other to win.

This practice builds a really strong foundation within your psyche and you will also be able to tame the inner child and teenager within you so that you will eventually have the capacity to hold a mature and spiritually advanced emotional body.

This will eventually lead you to be the ultimate and bigger YOU, and that reality is nothing you will have ever experienced in life because when you live by grace, miracles are a daily occurrence. And that is a win for life.


©2021 Shamala Tan

Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected]
Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.


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