Being okay with struggling

One of the many things that people do not tell us enough as we're growing up is that WE WILL STRUGGLE. Struggling is a part of life, but they do pass.

Sometimes our struggles are small, and sometimes extremely devastating. Sometimes the struggles are long term, other times they are short terms. We MUST know this, that in our struggles we are learning to understand the size of our cocoon, and maybe we are trying to get out of the cocoon at various stages of our lives, but we will struggle.

Far too many people think that they are the only people struggling, they think that other people are lucky or have it good. And they feel victimised by whatever they are going through, and they are waiting for someone to come save them. (Maybe the superhero comic books didn't do us any favours.) We think we are the only ones struggling because we have not been taught or shown that in all our struggles, there is strength and it is through our struggles we understand who we are.

In our growing up years maybe our parents don't want to worry us and so they do not tell us the reality of life. They make life sound and look easy. Maybe parents are afraid to break the spirit of their children, or they do not trust their children enough.

Or parents make life such a struggle with their constant complaints, they do not show us that there is much to be gained through our struggles and the journey of life can be beautiful even with the struggles. When we grow up in an environment where all we experience are struggles, we think that other people have it better and that we are the unlucky ones.

So what do we need to understand ourselves before we can effectively mentor our future generations along?

• The season of struggle always passes. Yes, as difficult as the struggles may be at times, they do pass, it is not forever and they are rarely permanent
• Struggles come in many forms - financial, emotional, mental, spiritual, physical. And most of the time, we do not see the struggles of other people. Yes, even those who paint such beautiful lives on their social media.
• In our struggles, we are never alone. Knowing that other people too struggle gives some comfort. We need to understand that we are our own superheroes and that if we reach out for support from a friend, a support group, a therapist, a coach, we can see the light. Reaching out doesn't mean dumping our stuff onto other people, everyone has to agree that this is the kind of relationship they want to be in with us. Not everyone wants to be our support group, so be careful about this. We will get so much out of an actual support group that deals with and talks about the kinds of struggles we're going through. And if we cannot find one, we can create one! There are other people looking for the exact same thing.
• One KEY POINT here I would like to emphasize is that --- even when we're successful and happy, we will STILL struggle, big or small. But they too shall pass.
• Through our struggles, sometimes we emerge a beautiful butterfly, and sometimes we don't. And when we don't, we will take time to heal. And it is through the healing process, no matter how long it may take, we will learn about ourself - our strengths, our weaknesses, and the next time something happens, we know better what to do and we struggle far less.
• When we struggle, it doesn't mean we're a failure. It just means we're living. We are living a human life that is complete with all kinds of experiences and at the end of the day, it is ok. But we have to be ok with ourself and with who we are, and with what we're experiencing. If we're looking for approval from others on what is the right thing we need to do, we will always struggle. The right thing for us, will never be the right thing for others, and sometimes, society doesn't approve of our right thing, but we have to be ok with it, and that is a struggle even though we're doing what is right for is. But as we come to terms fully with what is right for us, the struggle will fade. This, I promise will happen.

So as we go out there to inspire our children or people we care about, we let them know it is ok to struggle, and that it is a part of life.

Struggles are real, they are internal or external, and we have to be ok with them.

©2020 Shamala Tan

Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected]
Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.