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You have to complete your childhood in order to access the purity of childlike innocence

I know, the title of this article sounds ironic. Doesn't seem to make sense? Read on...

Most people in so many different ways have not completed their childhood. What do I mean by that? Learning how to parent one's inner child, for most, may never happen. For others, if they have self-awareness, may start to see how important it is to do so so that they are not relying on their partners, friends, people around them to do it for them!

How do these usually manifest?

Here's an example: Needing others to soothe them and be demanding in their need for your love. And when they don't get what they want, they throw a tantrum, like a child. I am very sure you have experienced this sort of things in your relationships, whether romantic or not. 

You can easily spot one who has not completed their childhood psychologically by how they interact and behave, here are some clues:

  • the attention seeker
  • he one who needs to be the centre of attention
  • the one who gets offended easily
  • the one who feels special and want others to always make sure their needs are met
  • blaming others and what they have done wrong as if the self has no part to play in their relationship 
  • or on the other end of the spectrum, we have the ones who shut down and cower when faced with difficulties
  • we also have the passive-aggressive ones, who will not communicate what is wrong but will keep dropping hints hoping you will get it
  • and then there are the ones who dramatise everything and makes sure the entire village is aware

We all have been there, in one way or another. The question is: do you have the self-awareness to know this is what you're doing? Perhaps it is time to take stock and contemplate this.

With self-awareness, parenting yourself is the key, and here are some questions for you to ponder upon:

  • How are you communicating with yourself with unconditional love and firmness? 
  • How do you discipline yourself gently in your thoughts, feelings/emotions and actions?
  • Do you ding dong between criticising yourself to lifting yourself so high that you're no longer in touch with reality?
  • What goes into your mind when you make a mistake? 
  • What negative things do you say to yourself? And when do you say them? How do you say them?

Can you now see why, if we do not parent ourselves, the views of ourselves, other people and the world just cannot stem from purity?

Our lenses of the world are just filtered by our wounds and our pain. And everyone has these lenses and wounds, no matter how fantastic your own parents were when you were growing up. But we know the reality is: there are no perfect parents, your parents have fucked up in one way or another. 

Masking wounds away only pushes them into the shadow, to the point where you start believing those masks. And this is how many get lost in their inner relationship with self, with no conscious connection with their inner child or inner parent. 

My message to you on this day is to look into your inner relationship with yourself. How is that relationship going? The freedom you will experience when you have this self-awareness is unparalleled and you will just flow with life with greater ease, with who you are, and all that you are.

Want to complete your childhood? Drop me an email [email protected]


©2021 Shamala Tan

Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected]
Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.



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