A Weekend With Mothers

I was in KL over the weekend doing classes mostly for mothers. It was wonderful and fun sharing with the mothers there who were so eager to learn about the alternative ways I am keeping my 7 year old daughter healthy.

Most mothers want the same thing - healthy natural remedies for their children, effective ways to help their children, and most of all to keep their children healthy with a strong immune system.

I met mothers with 3 or 4 children, and some of them do not have helpers. I take my hat off to them as they sometimes struggle especially when all of the children fall sick at the same time! The amount of sleepless nights make these mothers real soldiers.

To me, it was a successful weekend as they were very receptive and willing to try new ways for themselves and their children. I look forward to more fun sharing in the future....

PS if you are personally looking for an all natural way to keep your kids healthy, send me an email and I will share more....

Someone Upstairs Wants To Tell Me Something...

After I posted my last blog entry, I was presented with posters and sayings about timing and progress.

This is one of them...

Ok, people upstairs I get the point!

Timing Is Everything

I had drinks with a friend the other night and we had an interesting conversation about success, failures and goal setting etc.

He pointed out everything has to have the right time for it to happen, which jolted me somewhat, I don't know why because I knew this already. Yet it jolted me. Perhaps it was something I knew but didn't know in the context of my current situation.

I suppose I have been impatient for things to happen in the area of my work. But there have been hiccups upon hiccups and because it is happening to me for real, I was beginning to give up and then I realized that I have been through this before, so many times in my life -- Whenever I transform my business and re-start the engine, it does take time for it to move into the right gear. I just need to be patient. Perhaps it is age catching up, ha! so I am more impatient and want things to happen more quickly.

My friend reminded me that timing is everything. If I wanted things to happen sooner and they did, it may not have been right for me or my business and that in the long time, I would probably fall flat on my face. The vision of my being flat on my face was not pretty. So here I am this Monday morning, taking it easy and going through my to-do list for the week.

I think I am going to have that cup of tea now.....

When We Forget Our Place In The World

Recently I heard of a very funny incident -- A father took the advice of his 6 year old and did what the child asked him to, without thinking. Which eventually led to some drama, and other people involved in the situation, with the 6 year old ending in tears and feeling scared as the father made her responsible for the decision he made! But luckily all of these came to a good ending and all is well again.

The point I am making in this article is that sometimes we forget our place in the world. Especially when we start to over identify with another person's feelings. In this case, the father over-identified with how the 6 year old felt, but didn't stop to think.

We have all been there, when a friend tells us their relationship issues, and then we start to develop these strong negative feelings towards our friend's partner. And we may end up saying things that we may regret, when in the first place, all we needed to do was to listen to our friend. Nothing else was asked of us, but somehow we got sucked into the whole thing.

How then do we not over-identify with other people's stuff, but remain conscious of our place and role in the world in relation to other people around us?

1. Always remind ourselves that we are there to listen and support. The problems shared with us, are not our problems. Never were, and never will be.
2. We must not take sides. The moment we take sides, we lose our perspective of what is going on, and in fact may not give our friend the best support he/she needs.
3. Be prepared to just listen and not offer any advice unless asked.
4. When asked for favours, make sure it is within your means and abilities. Do not go out of your way just to make yourself feel better about the situation. You are not there to make yourself feel better, always remember your place - you are there to support your friend.

As for the father in the above story, all he needed to do was to listen as a father rather than as a 6 year old! When we forget our place in the world, all lines are blurred and all roles get confused.

There is less drama when we all know where we should stand.

Is She Obsessed Or In Love?

Ok, it seems like I am becoming an agony aunt in my latest postings. BUT someone contacted with her problems but she was not willing to undergo any form of coaching or counseling. So I told her I would give her a few words of advice provided I could post about her case on my blog. She said yes, so here we are:

"Dear Shamala, I think I have a problem, I am not sure it is because I am in love or I am totally obsessed with this man. I know this friend and we seem to be good friends. But I find myself constantly thinking about him and I find myself checking up on his facebook and twitter to see what he is doing and what he has been up to. And I also often think if he is thinking of me at the exact moment. I like to believe that he likes me too. But he has never asked me out. Should I ask him out? What if he doesn't like me the same way? I think I will feel really stupid. Btw, I am not young anymore and maybe I am desperate and afraid to be left on the shelf. Help."

Dear friend, I agree with you that you have a problem. I am going to speak to you as a coach -- tell you what you need, and not what you want to hear.

{Do note that for best results, an actual coaching program works best, this is simply a response with guidance and Shamala Tan Consultancy will not be held responsible for any decisions you make in this situation or anything similar to it}

I think you have a few problems, some big and some not so big.

Now the biggest problem is that you think you have to be in a relationship because in your own words, you are 'not young anymore'. (I don't know how old you are, but to me, age is relative) Relationships do not have a start age, or expiry age. It does not mean that when you reach a certain age, you have to be in one. I suggest you take your time to widen your social circle and date different people just to get to know them. I know this is not what you want to hear because you are thinking that you must be so totally in love with this man.

Perhaps the best cure for this is to actually ask him out and you will have your answer. Why torture yourself wondering? Ask him out. If the feelings are not mutual, you can move on.

Now let's talk about the not so big problem you have, and that is constantly thinking about this man and even checking up on him on fb. Well, this is a bad habit you need to break. Why? Well it is not a productive use of your mental and emotional energy. You will be much happier directing your energies into activities that serve you and that empower you.

The best way really is to stop spending so much time on fb! If you have the app on your smartphone, delete it. Divert your attention to meeting people face to face. Go to meetup.com and see if there are any meetup groups you can join. Use fb as a way to stay in touch with people, not as a way to know someone. Most of the time, people do not reveal who they really are on fb. So your habit of 'spying' on your friend there is not helping you to build an accurate picture of who he really is.

So there are three main things you can do:
1. End your torture by asking him out
2. Stop 'spying' on your friend on fb
3. Join meetup groups to know more people and widen your circle

All the best!

Loving vibes,
Shamala :)